This is how I feel now

When we two parted - a poem by Lord Byron


When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted,
To sever for years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this.

The dew of the morning
Sank chill on my brow
It felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken,
And light is thy fame:
I hear thy name spoken,
And share in its shame.

They name thee before me,
A knell to mine ear;
A shudder comes o'er me
Why wert thou so dear?
They know not I knew thee,
Who knew thee too well:
Long, long shall I rue thee
Too deeply to tell.

In secret we met
In silence I grieve
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee?
With silence and tears.

"Embrace the pain...it is the only way"

I need to acknowledge how hurt I feel right now. I have contributed to my being hurt. I've ignored the nudges and as a result been given a bitch slap.

I would like to own the following. I willing continued in a relationship where I knew the man meant me no real good. Any man that only wants you around on his time table, means you no good. Any man that reels you in only when you are trying to separate means you no good. Do not allow yourself to be reeled back in, this man means you no good. If he only can find time for you after dark he means you no good. Worst of all knowing he was sleeping with and going out other women and still I persisted. I sat there and accepted all of this and more. And when the time came for him to make a choice I was not even a consideration.

Why did I accept this?? That's what I need to figure out. I am really so desperate for a mans attention/love, that I willingly and knowingly accepted less than what I know I was worth. That's why I'm so hurt now.

I never knew that emotional pain could translate to physical pain.

I need to continue breathing